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Patient Endurance

Posted on 2007.12.24 at 22:46
Current Location: home
Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: everything
Recently, I have been thinking more and more about the future state of the world. Perhaps this comes from the impending new year, or maybe because I feel that I am growing into an adult (finally), or maybe because I think that I’ve realized a number of things that everyone else seems to be oblivious to. But regardless of the reason, I figured I’d post some of my thoughts on the future, if for no other reason than to prove that I predicted the future.
Tonight, while at dinner, I was force into a debate surrounding my admiration of Bush. Now by no means am I a fan of the president but I must admire his ability to be as productive and successful as he has been. I remember back in 2001, just after American troop invaded Afghanistan and before the invasion of Iraq, I was deeply disturbed by the president’s blatant disregard of the American people and the people of the entire world. So many people supported the military actions of the United States without hearing a shred of evidence supporting the invasion of Iraq that everyone knew was about to take place. The news media stopped asking questions and reported whatever the white house told them to. To me, I could see the entire world falling into chaos because people just stopped thinking and gave up so much of there rights just to feel safer. Of course the world has yet to fall into chaos. And if growing older has taught me anything it is that the world is in fact much more orderly then it was back then. Perhaps it is this that is the problem.
But I will move on, as to not sound like a left wing radical, pissed off because his team is loosing. If anything my team is winning. Hillary Clinton (Whom I predicted would run for president in my last entry) seems to be doing quiet well and is the most likely president of the United States. Good for her. But it comes to mind that my only reason for liking her is that I like her spirit. I think that she is the best candidate for no other reason then I like her style, confidence, and smarts. She doesn’t stand for anything particularly admirable. Rudy Giuliani, surprisingly, is the candidate I support most ideologically. He’s the only candidate who openly supports gay marriage and is pro-choice, all the other candidates are too afraid to loose voters to actually express their opinions and when they do express them I am generally let down by what they have to say.
America is trapped because people have stopped looking at the people who run the country to do something. People are paranoid but no one is willing to even consider the possibility of changing the situation. This past week, congress set a record for the shortest congressional hearing ever. Nine seconds. The purpose is to keep congress in session during the holiday season so the president won’t take advantage of a hiatus to appoint new judges or implement new orders without the congresses approval. So basically, kids, Congress is meeting because they are paranoid that the president will exploit them the second they lower their guards, but they aren’t using this time to do anything, at all. Nothing. Absolutely nothing is being done! And only thirty seconds of the evening news was devoted to this fact. The evening news was too busy talking about which stores had the best deals. Come on.
It is this reason that I feel truly hopeless about the future. I have begun to predict that I will see a revolution in my life time. I also predict that this revolution will be violent. But unlike many people I know, I feel hopeless about this revolution. The people who will revolt will do so for all the wrong reasons. People aren’t asking the right questions. Instead of blindly hating Bush, we must look at why we are in the place we are. What has lead the American people to trust men who don’t hide the fact that they lie? Why aren’t people standing up and demanding something better? The answers are deeply rooted in history, in the lowest class of people, and in where people are receiving their information.
So my prediction: It won’t matter who enters the white house, all the candidates are too weak to change anything. For the next big political movement we will have to look for it in the inner cities of America, particularly the Hispanic population. I believe there will be violence, after all violence will be the only thing worth reporting on the evening news. I think people will be reminded of the fear the Black Panthers created back in the day. (At this point I feel its important to understand the fall of the Black Panther came when crack became the drug of choice in the ghetto. Most major cities didn’t make any effort to stop the spread of crack in the inner cities, until white neighborhood became infected. The fall of the Black Panthers came only a few years after crack began ravaging black neighborhoods. Now we see the same pattern of “infection” with meth. Which is ravaging the Latino, gay, and black communities.) I also think that middle Americans will lead a revolution of their own, people will wise up eventually however they will be all to willing to settle for a few small trinkets, rather than any real change. I am reminded by something from 1984 which basically says that in a revolution only the middle and upper classes are affected. The middle class replacing the upper class and the upper class still leading an affluent lifestyle. Truly one of the biggest disappointments I predict for the future is that the middle class will never connect with the more anarchic revolution happening elsewhere. (Les Mis set the perfect example: “Do we fight for the right to a night at the opera now” These lyrics set the tone behind the reasoning of the French revolution, completely missing the fact that thousand of people were dying of starvation. I believe this to be our future)
My solution: I am hopeful about the future, despite all of the above, because I believe in the American dream. I believe that people have the power to change the course of their world. But they need to do it financially, they need to demand high levels of information from there government and their news sources. We must be willing to prove that we will pay extra if we know we are being told the truth and that we will pull all possible funding out of companies that don’t hold to our ideals. We must begin to ask deeper questions. We must not be satisfied with an image. We must demand substance.
So why I like George W. Bush: We must understand that we can’t hate the president for his exploitation of, well just about everyone. We never expected anything better from him. We spend more money on reading about Britney Spears’ personal life then we do on her music. Our priorities are so out of proportion that we can no longer expect our democratically elected leaders to stand up for what’s right. Before we can demand better from others we must ask better from ourselves. George Bush lied to America, and was quite honest about it. (It occurs to me that in all likelihood he would have been brought down if he had lied about his lies~ think Bill Clinton. But because there is no news in reporting that the president openly admitted that he lied and that all the new people were too lazy to research and believed him.)

I end my Christmas news letter by saying that I believe I will see a great many things in my life time, some good, some bad, but I believe that this generation will neither be better or worse than any of the other generations before it, only different. Kids are learning about sex earlier but they are also learning to use safe sex practices earlier. They are being presented with the idea of sexuality in a way that, even, my generation never experienced. I think the next generation will ask more questions then my generation and that it will be my children who will really make the difference. Our children will learn from a generation who knows what it means to be lied to, they will rebel against us by expecting more. Our children will be the people I will admire most in my lifetime because they will understand what I’m writing about tonight better than I do.

Lets try not to fuck them up too bad, shall we. Folks.

Hilary

Posted on 2006.08.04 at 07:47
Current Mood: political
Yesterday Donald Rumsfeld meet in front of a Congressional Hearing with two of America's top generals, both of whom claimed that they were begining to prepare for civil war in Iraq. Something no one had originally anticipated. Rumsfeld went on to claim that his top advisors were probably wrong.
Frustated, Hilary Clinton responded to that Iraq was a mess and that no body (Rumsfeld) didn't know what they (he) was doing.
"Oh boy, Here we go" Rumsfeld responded. But not yet.

Shortly after this story was broadcast over the nightly news the show made a small detour back to the story when a reported announced that Mrs. Clinton had publicly requested Rumsfeld's resignation. And while this won't mean he's going anywhere this is a big deal.

First its the democrats biggest attack on the Bush admin. in a while. Also, it was Hilary. Which is important because not only is she positioning herself as the lead voice of Democrats, but also because the Congressional hearings come with bad news when most americans don't feel that the war in Iraq can be won.

For those of us wondering (hoping) Hilary will run for president... this call of resignation is a sign that she has just started her national campaign

craigslist

Posted on 2006.08.01 at 01:16
Current Mood: horny
Josh and I were feeling a bit frisky tonight and decided to post an ad on craigslist just to see the responses we would get. We had 8 within the time it took us to post the add and check our e-mail. What a confidence booster!! Some prospects were kinda... "No way in hell" but there were a few that seemed fun. It's weird that gay guys all want to have a 3some with cute college boys. Who would have guessed?

Anyway, now im planning an orgy in my head. There are costumes and cages. Not to mention a giant crucifix bathed in blue lights with red roses at the base where I would be worshipped. God I'm awesome.

Everything that's going on

Posted on 2006.07.27 at 00:59

More bad news

Posted on 2006.07.25 at 01:13
Current Mood: depressed
Sorry for the last entry and this one not being fun...

My sister is/ was really angry with my mom. Shit hit the fan with them and it got really ugly so my sister will be/ has been living with me. She doesn't plan on returning home for a few weeks, which is understandable. She'll be staying wtih me and my aunt and some other relatives but she's here for the next few day.

Then tonight I get a phone call from my stepdad, Pete. He tells me that my mom is in the hospital after over dosing on a bunch of pills. Not coke, I think she took a handful or so allergy pills. This after "cutting the hell out of her arm." She ended up going over to a relatives house and... I'm not sure. My aunt asked her about her arm then... next thing she's in the hospital.

She'll make it. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that. Hopefully she'll have recovered by tomorrow in which case they'll send her to friends or horsham.

People are preparing for her death. It's strange and sad. It fills me with guilt and pain, but hope that maybe I could finally heal.

Needing friends

Posted on 2006.07.23 at 00:08
Current Mood: enraged
Today I recieved a call from my aunt asking if i knew my mom was using coke again. I didn't. I talked to my sister, she confirmed it.

I called the bitch up and asked her is she was using. She of course said no. I lost it. I don't remember what I said except that it was bull shit. Everything she was doing. I didn't say everything I wanted but she knew...

At the end of our conversation I yelled "... do you hear me?"
She just said, "hear you" over and over.
"Good." then I hung up the phone.

I really miss my friends right now. I'm so angry.

Posted on 2006.07.18 at 15:29
You scored as IV - The Emperor. The Emperor represents power. There is nothing subtle about this Tarot card. The Empress has power through love.The Emperor has power through power. He is in control, he is forceful and ambitious. Nothing will stop him. He is a natural leader, having either been born to the role or having disposed of all those who stood in his way. If well aspected in a Tarot spread this card can indicate success. It represents obstacles overcome, goals reached and ambition fulfilled. If badly aspected it can indicate either weakness or an abuse of power.

</td>

IV - The Emperor

94%

VIII - Strength

69%

0 - The Fool

69%

VI: The Lovers

69%

II - The High Priestess

63%

I - Magician

63%

XVI: The Tower

63%

XIX: The Sun

56%

XIII: Death

50%

III - The Empress

50%

XI: Justice

44%

X - Wheel of Fortune

44%

XV: The Devil

31%

Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Elizabeth- a short play that every one should read

Posted on 2006.07.15 at 23:18
Current Mood: creative
Elizabeth
By Ken Jordan

*** Everything in this piece is false. I don't know any of that facts or statistics or any of the medical science behind anything I wrote. I came up with a fun idea and wrote it down quickly. Therefore no spell or grammar check has been run on this piece. This is simply a first draft I thought some people might like to enjoy.***

(Elizabeth, an Iconic Pop Star in her thirties, sits at a vanity. She has just finished a performance at an award show where she was dressed up as a Victorian queen. Her make up and hair are also in period dress. She begins to take off her make-up; when Sheryl walks in she doesn't stop. She will be continuing this throughout the rest of the play.)

Elizabeth: I like my name because it is royal. So many singers choose to have one name now. It's iconic. But they do it wrong: Britney, Christina, Jessica... they are all too common. Cher was original. Madonna was religious. Elizabeth. That is royal. I think that is why I have lasted as long as I have. Sure Elizabeth is common enough but I can always call upon an Elizabethan era when I need to. However, it work better in Europe. I wonder...

Sheryl: It works in America well enough.

Elizabeth: Obviously. It sets me apart from the rest. Above even.

(Elizabeth looks as Sheryl, who is still wondering why she has been summoned.)

Elizabeth: How do my eye's look?

Sheryl: Fine. The left one looks little blood shot.

Elizabeth: That's why I need you. You're honest. And you can keep a secret. (pauses.) A week ago something flew into my eye. Dust or something. Nothing serious. I saw a doctor who told me it was just some irritation and didn't look infected but if it persisted I should have him take another look. It's still irritated. So much so I couldn't put my contacts in and performed half blind tonight.

(Let's this sink in.)
Elizabeth: I have AIDS. Apparently my body flew past the HIV and went right for the scary stuff. And with this small piece of dust I realize how much my immune system must have degenerated. If it get's infected I might go blind.

Sheryl: Why are you telling me this?

Elizabeth: I need a favor. There is a cure for AIDS now, there has been for a few years now. It's simple. A few pills, a few times a day, for a few weeks. Gone. My plague is gone the way of small pox.

Sheryl: (studying Elizabeth.) Why?

Elizabeth: They aren't going to announce it for a few years still. They are making more money with out a pill then with one. Too many years were spent researching, too many people worked too hard. It was the number 1 scientific goal for too long. Too many companies spent the money. And the pills are as easy to produce as Aspirin. Once people know that they will want to cure the world. And that isn't financially... (searching for the word)... Appropriate. In America they could charge whatever they wanted. Thousands for a bottle. They could make it illegal for the infected not to take it, if they really wanted to. But then there's Africa. Too many poor people. You can't charge them thousands, especially when the pills are so cheap to produce, now that they have the cure. And Sooner or later someone would realizes that a continent could be cured for just a few hundred billion dollars. Public opinion and, therefore, government action would force the companies to lower the prices and save Africa. The drug companies are making trillions of dollars every year just for AIDS research. They will loose all of that once they release a cure. Major corporations would crumble at their greatest achievement.

Sheryl: Why am I hear?

Elizabeth: To get the treatment it's going to cost me. A lot. A pill that doesn't exist doesn't come cheap. A several hundred thousand dollars. I can't spend all that money without the public being alerted in some way. Any clue at all will destroy my career and I'll loose my pills. For a while I thought I was trapped. Until I had an idea. I want to throw a fundraiser. "ICONS!" Cher, Madonna, Britney, Christina, and of course the organizer, Elizabeth. A huge concert festival with all the proceeds benefiting AIDS researchers of course. I give the drug companies the proceeds. They give me my pills. A win, win.

Sheryl: Its a big idea.

Elizabeth: We can pull it off. It's charity. Everyone has a social conscious.

Sheryl: I'll start working on it.

Elizabeth: Fabulous. And of course I don't have to tell you to be quiet about all of this. Now hurry, this is going to be the concert to end all concerts. The perfect PR, the perfect performers, and the perfect cause. And want to see it.

(Sheryl leaves, Elizabeth is still trying to get the last of the make up off her face. She examines her eye.)

Black out.

Posted on 2006.06.17 at 00:43
Current Mood: irate
How long has it been since I last put in and entree? Whatever.

I have a new job, which I think I wrote about, babysat, which I think I'm good at since I got the kid to sleep the entire night. I also spent half my pay check on new clothes for work. (nice shoes, dress pants, gotta look good.)

Tomorrow josh, cindy, and i are going to NY tomorrow to see sweeney todd for josh's birthday. I still need to figure out what I'm going to do for that...

Sunday... I'm not sure whats going on... supposed to see dad... in new jersey... stupid fathers day...

YAY me

p.s. Im my mood thingy I'm not really irate i just thought he was a friendly fellow...

Posted on 2006.06.13 at 22:11
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: queen
Today was an interesting day. I had family issues which have been more difficult than usual. But I also found a new job right around the corner from me! Yay me. Then josh and I went into the city to get beyond the valley of the dolls and got sucked into spending our night with my aunt. She's desparate to have some excitement in her life. Anyway we are babysitting for her thursday so she and alan can go see a play. That will be fun.

Anyway that was my day...

Posted on 2006.06.11 at 18:03
Current Mood: happy
I cut my hair today! It's quite dramatic. Now all my friends need to come see me!!!

Bad day to be gay

Posted on 2006.06.05 at 18:48
Current Mood: enraged
I was watching the news tonight and i very quickly realized that being gay today sucks.

Congress began its hearings to institute an Amendment banning same sex marriage. While George W. gave his thumbs up on the bill. A poll showed that between 20% to 42% of americans would support this ban (depending on which poll you want to read) The major fear is that only a few people really want this bill to pass but they are the crazy 10% of americans, the other 90% seem rather apathetic on the matter. As Charles Gibson pointed out its a matter of the wills.

Secondly, this week is the anniversary of the Aids virus reaching america. ALthough on the up side 60% of americans with Aids are expected to live longer than 10 years.

Anyway, thats my little bit of sharing the world. If they do pass a constitutional amendment I ask you to pray for yourselves. I will leave america. I will not be a jew hanging out in germany thinking that those crazy nazis are all talk...

Theory of abstraction

Posted on 2006.06.04 at 00:55
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Fiona Apple
Warning: The following contains ideas and philosophies that the author catagorizes as pretentious. You've been warned...

I was thinking the other day about stories and films and other works of art that are considered abstract. I have nothing against abstraction but it I feel it is very hard to do well. I then began to wonder how it is done well and how it isn't. Why I like Donnie Darko but hate david lynch. This is my theory.

One big problem I have with abstaction is that I often feel that its just a bunch of random crap thrown at the audience and hoping it has some impact. If you want to show us several shots (in a movie) of a candle flickering in the wind it would nice to have it be impactful. Later on a candle being important so the audience can think "wow, it was there the whole time. It was planed out." or if your going for the emotional impact suggest that a character is like that candle. This sort of occurs in "Blue Velvet" in of the fact that one of the main characters is a tourchsong singer. But that is a stretch, some much more could have been implied if she had a moment where the audience associated that character with that candle. She lights a candle and looks at it for a moment, or close-ups of her face fade into this candle. In the movie a candle is just flashed on screen whenever there is a need for a jump cut without much change in tone or setting.

The next thing that is needed and often forgotten is reality. The audience has grown up watching narrative films. They know how to relate to characters automatically. If you want your abstractness to have an impact it has to impact the characters in a relatable way. The audience has to love and relate to the situation and/or the characters in order to want to put up with the confussion and it also makes the abstractness more impactful. Donnie Darko does this well. Here we are introduced to a guy who is struggleing with his parents, hates school, and likes a girl in his english class. We've all been there (except the "Girl" in the english class.). Not only that but the whole situation is likeable. Good music, fun dinning room conversation, romantic english teacher, and a health teacher who's class is a joke. A fun movie, alittle whinny at times but whatever. Then Frank the 6 foot time traveling bunny who predicts the end of the world appears. The audence is terrified by Frank in a way that is more desturbing than most monsters in horror movies. He's creepy and you feel worried for the characters. Don't do it frank!

As a counter point to this mulholland drive has a nice opening. I actually like the first hour. The characters aren't great but there alright. Its a pretty movie to look at. Then they get into the theatre and for the next hour nothing makes sense. For the first few minutes I care. I want to know what is going on with these characters. That only lasts so long and then I get bored. I start thinking about what to do after the movie. By the time the movie is over I don't care to figure out all the pieces of the puzzle. I don't care what the end means. I don't want to think about it for hours afterward and I don't don't don't want to sit threw it again.

With leads me to my final point. Abstraction can only go so far. Dali knew it. Melting clocks. It's simple, its relatable, it memorable. There isn't too much to look at. If you look closely you can see that there are ants on the watch. And the composition is impossible. you think about it. And you feel that you understand it. You know its weird but you know how it works. Its not an epic clusterfuck of strangeness where you don't get it at all.. look there's a puppy and a tree and 60 other fucking things on the canvase that have nothing to do with eachother entitled "Aids on the moon" (I made that one up, but you get my point)Eraserhead is a 2 hour movie that is too complicated for its own good. I can't put the pieces together but I know that it is nothing but pretty shit. It's still shit and I can only watch for a few minutes before I leave to look up trivia on IMDB in hope that it will explain the movie better than the movie.

Having said that, filmmakers who want to be crazy crative will ignore this only to make more bad student film that I trash in my head. All I ask is that you keep the movie relatable so i care and so that your ideas and images have meaning and an impact that I the viewer can relate to. Keep it simple so that i don't give up. And do it quick cause I have other stuff I can do with my time.

Today

Posted on 2006.06.02 at 23:11
Current Mood: crushed
Today has been a very strange day. Between a phone call, a walk threw the cemetary, a mall trip, a fantastic dinner, and a terrifying walk home! Anyway, I have a lot going on. And thunderstorms scare the shit out of me!!!

Playlist magic (mine is awesome)

Posted on 2006.05.30 at 22:10
Current Mood: peaceful
Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question even if they don't make sense. You'll be surprised though.

How am I feeling today?
See I'm smiling

Will I get far in life?
The artifact and living

How do my friends see me?
learned pig

Where will I get married?
Long shot

What is my best friend's theme song?
The crawl

What is the story of my life?
sweet sweet

What was high school like?
your song

How can I get ahead in life?
Milk it

What is the best thing about me?
hurting eachother

What was today like?
Monster (remix)

What is in store for this weekend?
Luna

What song describes my parents?
All the way up to heaven

How is my life going?
leaving

What song will they play at my funeral?
dance of seven veils

How does the world see me?
General Joy

Will I have a happy life?
Build that wall

What do my friends really think of me?
The thing that should not be

Do people secretly lust after me?
sweet dreams

How can I make myself happy?
Pray

What should I do with my life?
Smash the mirror

What will my children be like?
Shoot the moon

What will you name them?
Landed

What will the person you marry be like?
given the chance

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
once upon a dream

Will you have a fulfilling life?
violet

How will you die?
There goes the neighborhood

First entree

Posted on 2006.05.30 at 21:21
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Confessions on a Dance floor
This god-damn web site is so difficult. I don't understand it!! Anyway, I did this because of peer pressure from Josh and also so i have another website to obsess over besides Facebook, and Myspace.

So whats in the news today... Hehehe.

I went job hunting today. I'm only working at the bookstore less than 20 hours a week and it will probably be less as time goes by. I applied at some places I really don't want to work at but they are close to home which is something.

I really want to do more writing but i'm having trouble getting into it again. I just re-read Tony and Alex which is my, thus far, masterpiece. Anyway I ripped it to shredds. But its ok I was objective. I saw a problem and I saw how to fix it. It just sucks because I realized my masterpiece was sorta "Ehh..." Thank god for revisions and other crapy works. (One thing I've learned about art and creativity is that very few people are good. How many student work, that are supposed to be brilliant, suck? A lot.)

My work doesn't suck. I've read suck and this isn't it. It just has holes. Big ones. And I can't believe is was stupid enough not to see it before.

Personally things are good. This year was a horrible, kicked my ass, time in my life. Everyone in my family got sick and they all needed help that I couldn't give. Or didn't want to give.... That last part is the talking to my therapist part (Although he tells me that I have every right not to offer help. I have to live my own life and do what I have to, to get ahead.) Yeah, like that works after 12 years of Catholic school. Anyway, I should stop now before I go off the deep end. And use all this typing to work on my script...

I hope you all enjoyed my first entree...